My Brother

What do you say of a brother

who has mostly lived far away,

deep in my heart I’ve always known

he’s ever with me night and day.

Born ten years apart

from the same Mother,

though different Fathers

he is truly my Brother.

He came from David

and I from Paul,

each had left us

before we grew tall.

Our home life was a war

of conflict and angry yelling,

between gambling and boozing

never a shortage of verbal shelling.

Paradise it wasn’t but

we survived it together,

looking back now it’s amazing

we’re not tougher than leather.

The times he was forced to take me

in tow with his friends and crowd,

each time I’d go beaming as

I gazed at him so very proud.

My brother left early

for love and to marry,

leaving me alone with mom

now that was damned scary.

He’s steady as a rock

although a Republican,

so unique in my life

like an in-flight pelican.

When we shared a bedroom there were

watching him in the dark knowing

so many nights I spent in my bed,

he was there minimized my dread.

How can I thank him

for all that he’s done,

our time shared together

has mostly been fun.

After all of these years the hardest

thing to accept is the notion,

that the times we now spend together

seem void of real emotion.

I know in my heart we share

a most special love and bond,

but when we talk it seems

so guarded and unfound.

We talk of this and that and

what’s happened to us recently,

but seldom of memories and feelings

and what we hold inside so intently.

When death has come as it must

the thing I’ll most regret,

are the times not spent together

and all those things we left unsaid.

I do love you so Frank. Thank you for being my brother.

Gary R. Cramer

October 3, 2004

And now that you’re gone I truly miss you Bro!

November 27, 2018

Laments of a Drunk

Hello my old friend

how are you tonight.

if I treat you well

do you promise not to bite?

How many times have

we sat down together,

just to nurture each other

through this day’s weather?

I’ve been loyal to you

with no thought of cheating,

yet from time to time

you’ve given me a beating.

We laugh and joke

and have a great time,

no thoughts of tomorrow

no rhythm or rhyme.

We feel good for the moment

we just don’t care,

but in the morning we

look in the mirror and stare.

What have I done

where was my mind,

to again have dated you

in the end nothing to find.

Oh sure, we’ve had our fun

but in the very end,

I have little doubt

where my soul to send.

Alone again tonight

hating the isolation,

looking at my life

with all its desolation.

You make me feel good

you erase the day,

but you do it in such

a very damaging way.

You diminish my brain cells

and you kill my liver,

and the very next morning

you leave me with a shiver.

When it’s all to much

the next moment I dread,

it’s to you I turn

like a lover in bed.

We know damned well

you’ll fit like a shoe,

because you’re a part of me

it’s what you do.

You take away the fear

and you numb the pain,

you make me forget,

the sound of her name.

My dad knew you first

and he trusted in you,

yet you killed him

like an Easter ewe.

So he’s gone now

like so many others,

no one left to ask

not even my mother.

It’s quite a club

the followers you have,

blind leading the blind

all needing your salve.

Oh sure, I have to admit

with you in my body,

all the pain disappears

I don’t feel so shoddy.

Just like a drug

you’re a matter of choice,

but when we hurt so bad

there’s always that voice.

Come sit with me

I’ll help you my friend,

just keep tipping them

to oblivion I’ll send.

How foolish are we

the lost and confused,

to keep coming back

only to feel stupid and used.

You come in a bottle

a can or a glass,

no matter the vessel

you make us the ass.

All the many names

and the different tastes,

just a mirage while lost

that leaves us in the waste.

I await the day

when I can say goodbye

and look in that mirror

and say this is I.

I love you and hate you

at the very same time,

but I have to stand up

and pay my fine.

Oh my dear sweet God

what can I yet say?

Take me from this hell

show me a brighter new day.

Sorry I didn't write this in time to help you dad!

Gary R Cramer

May 13, 2010

Harbor Ghosts

Harbor ghosts from our pasts

in the back of our minds,

all the regrets and what if’s

from all those lost times.

Drifting in and out

like tides of the seas,

taxing our memories

some tears some glees.

What of my dad

who left in a rage,

torn from my life

like an old soiled page.

I came from him

from his very seed,

but lost way to soon

always a son in need.

Had he stayed around

and became my mentor,

our love could have grown

with him in the center.

But fate stepped in

and set us apart,

two lonely souls

each sad of heart.

Then there’s the brother

also departed too soon,

Missing from my life

Like a sky without moon.

But I forgave him his exit

he just had to go,

to find his own way

and a family to grow.

Then there was mom

so loving and giving,

from her I did come

and join the living.

She gave it her all

did what she could,

gave it her best

as any mother should.

A single mother

for too many years,

always missing her man

with the persistent tears.

Then there was a lady

without I wouldn’t be the same,

she was my first

and I can’t remember her name.

I was a naïve teen

first time away from home,

a very young sailor

feeling lost and alone.

Washing my clothes

In a cold Laundromat,

on liberty in San Diego

it was there I sat.

I can’t remember her words

or what she did say,

but within a short time

together we lay.

This lady was older

and was slow to teach,

guiding my hands

and where to reach.

I want to say it was Elaine

she was giving and tender,

she designed swimsuits

that I can remember.

But it ended so suddenly

When she gave a report,

she said she was married

her husband returning to port.

Harbor ghosts from our pasts

in the back of our minds,

all the regrets and what if’s

from all those lost times.

Gary R. Cramer

July 24, 2014