The Vessel

The Vessel

(That can take you somewhere other than where you are.)

It was just another crap day in my life filled with bills, obligations and responsibilities. It was one that made me feel like I resided in the La Brea Tar Pits. I was feeling old and alone. But I was more than grateful because I was so much better off than a lot of other people. I lived in my home state of California and I owned everything I had free and clear. I was well liked and respected. But there was always that “something” missing; that “empty, incomplete” feeling. I had decided to venture out of my nest aka house for a change of pace. As I wandered the sidewalks of my first and only retirement community, I was reminded of how much I hated living there. And almost without exception everyone I saw intensified that feeling.

As I tried to escape through daydreaming and with my iPhone serenading me, I noticed a very unique vehicle pull up along side me. It looked more like a sailing ship or vessel than a limousine with the unique flow of lines in the body. It was like a cross between a Bat-Mobile, Harry Potter and Peter Pan. The windows were all so darkly tinted that I was prevented from seeing who, or what…, was inside. At first I just kept walking but it kept pace with me for about half a block. I finally stopped and approached the vehicle with as much curiosity as trepidation and just maybe a touch of fear.

I knocked on the passenger window but instead of the window going down, the door opened. As I gazed inside all I could see was a driver in a chauffeur’s uniform. But not just any uniform. It was very stylized with accents of what appeared to be real gold trim highlighted by what appeared to be various gems such as rubies, emeralds, sapphires and diamonds.

Taken back a bit by the whole thing, I inquired if I could help him. The reply was, “I’m here to deliver you per your request”. It was then that I realized the driver was a woman. I said, “I’m sorry but you must have the wrong person because I didn’t request a ride now or ever”. She smiled coyly and said, “I get that a lot”. But trust and believe me Gary, you asked for this ride”.

Well, being the cautious man I am, we bantered back and forth for about 5 minutes. And in that time she continually revealed more about me than even I had remembered. So with much concern and confusion I entered the car. Instantly the windows blacked out and I was pushed back into the seat from the force of the acceleration. It was as if I was in an Apollo rocket lifting off from Cape Canaveral.

When we stopped the windows slowly became transparent again and I found myself looking out onto a most beautiful island complete with palm, banana, coconut trees, monkeys and parrots.

At this point the redheaded driver exited the car in her full uniform. But as she opened the door to allow me to depart she now was in a muumuu that accentuated every curve, nook, and cranny of her exquisitely well-tanned figure. As I half stumbled out of the limo like a drunken sailor I asked her what had happened to her uniform. She simply giggled, winked one of her emerald green eyes and motioned for me to follow her.

But I was hesitant because I was so confused about the who, what, where, when, why and how I had arrived here. She returned and stood directly in front of me and was so close I could smell her fragrant island perfume wafting off her soft skin that was covered in tiny moist droplets of perspiration from the tropical humidity and heat. And I had very little doubt that she didn’t hear my heart wildly beating out a jungle beat all it’s own that must have equated to Gene Krupa having a seizure on the drums. And to make matters worse my soul wanted to drift into a solo of “Sing Sing Sing”. It was then that she gently took each of my hands in hers and softly told me, “You must trust me when I tell you there is nothing here that will harm you or for you to fear. This is all in response to your request”. Once again I tried in vane to explain I had NOT asked for any of this. But she simply leaned forward and gave me a heart-stopping kiss on the cheek and told me I had indeed requested all of this and that it was long overdue.

Needless to say any fear I had been hiding rapidly disappeared as I trailed behind her like a lost puppy dog longing for his next bone. As we progressed along the densely filled jungle on a well-manicured path we traversed through various little villages. Each one seemed to specialize in something. One had villagers making hats made of straw and various other items of similar material as well as flower leis. Another was populated with natives making carved wooden utensils. While another was busy smoking fish, cooking all variety of meats in rock lined earthen pits or on hand rotated spits. To my added delight from the time we entered a village until we departed I was presented with the “specialty of the house” from each village. In return all I was asked for is a smile or laugh along with a genuine hug to my benefactors.

After about a 45 minute walk she explained we were about half way to our destination but as we approached a body of water with a magnificent flowing waterfall cascading down the rocky fern laden cliffs she said we should take a break and go swimming to refresh ourselves. And when we exited the water there would be a small collection of island treats for us to feast on. So we both disrobed down to what I discovered was floral swimwear. Well this confused me even more because I had NEVER bought or worn such a swimsuit and couldn’t for the life of me explain how I was in a pair now. But true to her word we swam, floated and splashed while laughing like children on spring break. And as we walked out there before us was the promised “island treats” with fresh fruits, edible flowers and more. To my delight she explained it was an island to tradition to hand feed each other as an expression of trust and friendship. After she had delicately slipped one of the sweetest strawberries I’d ever tasted into my mouth, I was about to return the favor when I suddenly realized I had no idea what her name was. When I asked she replied that they called her Happy. As I half choked and half laughed, I exclaimed that I could certainly see why. She again gave that tantalizing giggle of hers and while blushing she again leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek after saying thank you.

It was now an hour after leaving the water that we were full and dried off by the gentle tropical breezes and persistent sun. She arose, took my hands and helped me up explaining we should make haste or we would be late. When I asked late for what, she winked and said I’d find out soon enough. So off we went again into the jungle with my leather knapsack of village gifts. After about another 45 minutes we approached a substantial peninsula that jutted out into a most beautiful saltwater cove. At the end was a well designed thatched mini-bungalow made of bamboo, palm and banana leaves and other indigenous plants. It was complete with a dugout canoe pulled up on the beach. As I got closer I realized the canoe had outriggers and was equipped with sails as well as paddles. Next to the bungalow was a variety of equipment for hunting and fishing. And the final observation was a sign over the front door that simply said, “Gary”. As I stood there with my mouth hung wide open like an idiot she came up to me, slid her arm around my waist and asked if I liked it. Like it? I said. Good grief what’s NOT to like and to be honest it’s almost perfect and right out of a dream. She pointed out that the way the peninsula was pointed I’d be able to see the sunrise in the morning and the sunsets at night. In addition there was a freshwater stream from the central part of the island that would supply clean cold water for drinking as well as keeping some food items cold.

I was so overwhelmed that I fell to my knees and sobbed with joy. Happy quickly joined me and asked what was wrong. There was no commute traffic, no smell of auto exhaust, nobody to hate or resent and none of the pressures I had been surviving where I was living. My response was, “But why me? Why now?” Happy put her arms around me and explained that I had subconsciously, through my dreams, asked for all of this so I could start to live instead of simply survive.

I was totally overcome with so many conflicting feelings.

What about my brothers’ family? What about the people that relied on me to help them all the time? What about the bills that will need paying? She said that is all in the past now and all you have to do is be happy too. In my confusion I was floundering. “Be happy too?” What does that mean? And she cupped my face in her hands and said I could be “happy” with her if I wished that to be also. I became totally lost in those emerald green eyes and as we each leaned forward our lips met in a most tender and loving kiss.

We spent the rest of the day orientating ourselves to the surroundings together. As the sun began to set I built a fire on the West side of the peninsula on the beach. And as the sun slowly melted into the horizon on the edge of the ocean we embraced and held each other is such an amazing moment.

As we lay on the beach she rolled over onto her side and asked me, “How are you Gary?”. I smiled, giggled and winked and replied, “I’m Happy”…

We strolled back to the bungalow with our arms around each other’s waist and I had the best nights sleep I had ever imagined with a green eyed red headed lady named Happy next to me.

In the morning after I made her breakfast and coffee I went outside and took the “Gary” sign down. She looked very upset, confused and worried as I walked off down the beach a ways. I came back a short time later to find her crying until I turned it over and she saw what I had carved on the other side as I rehung it. It stated “HAPPY x 2”. And we went snorkeling with some dolphins…

Gary R. Cramer

June 9, 2018

My Brave Little Texan

We each sat there silently with a sullen lackluster smile on our faces. We both knew she was dying from Cancer and the days were growing seemingly shorter now. It’s so very hard to keep a brave face on and not show the hidden tears that so eagerly want to spring forth like an Artesian well in the middle of a Texas winter storm. The unknown was hell.

Quite without warning and almost in a whisper, she asked, “What do you want?” I was so shocked at the question I asked her to repeat it. And she did, this time a bit louder. My heart stopped, as did the world around me. What did I want? She had shared her father, her mother her daughter and our two grandchildren with me. She had shared over 23 years of her life and love with me. What else could there be?

She could see I was struggling with the question so she offered an assist. “Promise me you’ll take care of Boo (her Lexus). I put aside the two ducks from my guest bath that match the one in your master bath. Remember, they came from Half Moon Bay and that cute little shop we like so much.” Remember them, of course I remember them. They remind me of her, her daughter and myself. And all the wonderful loving moments we shared together at the beaches in that area of the coast. I also remembered the print of the sea otters we bought in Half Moon Bay because it reminded me of my many days diving in Monterey Bay.

I thought of the two spirit rattles she had found on the plaza and after the divorce she had repeatedly offered one of them to me. But I insisted they needed to stay together because that’s where they belonged, together always and guarding over her spirit. They would come later…

I recalled the brass leaf bowl from Mondavi Winery I so lovingly admired and adored while working there. I remembered the day I took her to the tasting room and Jessica covertly wrapped up the one remaining one and winked at me as she passed it to Beth.

I remembered the fun trips to Mexico and bringing back Gabby on the airplane. I remember our lovebirds Sonja and Vernon (named from “Their Playing Our Song”) inside that same birdcage making noises nobody else believed.

There’s the ornate oil lamp I missed during Barbara’s estate sale, that perfect pasta maker I painstakingly searched out for her and she only used once but she was so damned cute doing it, her CD’s and my granny’s pressure cooker.

Each and every one of these “things” hold emotions and love in my heart for people I’ve loved but mostly for her. Trips full of laughter, songs we sang together, ice infused Stingers, walks on beaches, sunsets, holding hands, cuddling each other at night after making love and so very much more.

So what do I want, I want another 23 years. I want another chance. I want to make all the wrongs right. I want to make her pain go away. I want to take her place. I want to ride in on my steed and set her free. All because she made me a better person and I’ll love her forever. My brave little Texan! I love you!

Gary R. Cramer

May 16, 2015