Alone Again

A simple fact…

it surely must be,

so very alone

the reason not to see.

For thirty-four years

living in mute isolation,

seeking out love

with little consolation.

An eighty proof Father

who left without a trace,

at the age of Eleven

dim visions of his face.

A half brother in title

we were empty in feeling,

early out starting his family

but never sharing his dealings.

Just my Mother and I

we were left alone,

her heart ever so big

yet love wasn’t shown.

Oh there were movies

and always the gifts,

but never the warmth

those close personal lifts.

At last I’m married

it’s nearly two years

and oddly enough

I’m still alone with my fears.

A wife so wonderful

yet sensitive and frail,

she’s caring and giving

her spirit loves to sail.

With a love that was true

I made her my wife,

now lost if life’s maze

so little love in our life.

Not as a ship

together mast and sail,

but a project apart

as a hammer and a nail.

What we had was beautiful

both strong and stout,

now again loneliness

with hurt filled doubt.

Her daughter and I

had a chance in the start,

with the coming of her teens

we’ve grown worlds apart.

As father and daughter

I fear I’m third… too late,

from hopes that flourished

now a depressing state.

The answers not simple

I’m not a bad man

still the solution not coming

what loneliness can one stand.

Gary R. Cramer

April 28, 1983