If You Were By My Side

If you were by my side I could make a snow plow drawn by a mule take us to the moon fueled just with the love I have for you. Then we would set our sights on another galaxy that could maybe contain the love I have waiting for my Sweet Queen. I'd sprinkle the sun with the tears of happiness I have from being with you and it would create a whole new world of blossoming inhabitants that now would know what the word love really means.

Then... I wake up alone without you yet again by my side in bed. I'd realize how lonely life is without you. I curl up into a ball of horrible misery. Dwelling on some of the most happiest moments of my life spent with you by my side touching my very existence and yes; making me a better man but still knowing it is in the past. I continue to ponder what I did wrong to lose you on this life’s path. I close my eyes and dwell in the memories of the smell of your body, the sound of your breath, the touch of your skin and the moistness of your inner self and the sweet softness of those oh so desirable lips of yours. THEN, and only then, I rise above the sun and proudly proclaim to the universe YES! I do love this woman and I don't care how much it hurts. I can't help myself. I crave all of her, her smell and taste in my mouth to inhale into my soul where together we would drift into oblivion beyond reach of all inhabitants of the universe in bliss. We would look down on all the stars and planets and decide together how to arrange them to make you the happiest we could achieve. I embrace you like you have never been held and all the gods would proclaim YES!!! This is what a man’s love for a woman looks like in the purest form from his very soul and being...

I would yet again awake without you; knowing no man or God could EVER love you as much as I do. And with a tear in my eye for you, I drift off to sleep where I might once again embrace you in my dreams with all of my existence and being knowing I had offered you all of my world. And that apparently is what my legacy is; not enough! It is to know I have been graced by your presence; the touch of your hand, the sound of your deep breathes and moans in my ear in the heat of passion in the night or day; the sighs of contentment as we together drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms totally spent and satisfied to share dreams and ambitions. That is the only drive I have left in this life. I must seek out and find it again with another woman. I have to try to feel whole and complete. And when a whisper from deep in my being tells me, "Gary, you have been to the peak, “The Summit”. All else that you find will be of lesser quality and satisfaction". I will not listen to that voice because the day I stop believing and searching in my quest for such love, they can dump my ashes to sink into the bowels of the Pacific Ocean to wander endlessly knowing it was still all worth it.

I have to concede that what I had to offer you was not enough. I have to try to move on believing another lady could match what you have done to and for me and even surpass that benchmark. To my life. To my past. To my future I pledge a never ending quest. Just know I will always love you as if you were a part of my self and being. Each night as I try to fall asleep alone, I will always reflect on your presence beside me and know I have been blessed to know you and I love you! Thank you for sharing your life with me.

To that lady in question, I’m coming!

Gary R. Cramer

July 17, 2010