Roller Skate Bowling

Oh those times in

early years so grand,

out on a walk and drank

too much to stand.

Twenty frozen digits

toes and hands,

wishing for the heat

of tropical sands.

It was a time

so young and strong,

remembering it well

dressed in my thong.

How I got there

I still can’t recall,

maybe from the barn

drinking in the stall.

It’s all pretty fuzzy

I’m sure of that,

but so darned proud

I still wore my hat.

Why it came to me

what was the time,

what I do remember

falling on my behind.

Have to think hard

how did this start,

may have eaten beans

oops another fart.

What’s that I see

a memory at last,

my trusted roller skates

from out of the past.

I was laying there

on hay so very stale,

when I saw them above

hanging on a nail.

I thought of them fondly

all the good times we had,

carefully lacing them on

back when I was a lad.

Then it hit me

it jumped out of the dark,

then I quickly forgot

from my butt another bark.

Then it came back

my mind was cajoling,

I should attempt

roller skate bowling.

So I gathered them all

empty bottles of glass,

Rum and Tequila

then I fell on my ass.

But the barn dirt

was not too flat,

empties kept falling

what to do about that.

Where is it level

where a bottle won’t fall,

I pondered it long

and then I did recall.

To a place I had gone

and was so very fond,

out the barn door

to the old ice pond.

I gathered my bottles

each a future bowling pin,

after filling my arms

the damned room did spin.

But get there I did

it wasn’t much fun,

because it was dark

where was the sun?

Alas I had them set

I had aligned all ten,

bowling ball in hand

what to do then.

Then I heard a call

from back in the barn,

my trusty roller skates

I’d forgotten them darn.

So back I raced

well more like staggered,

now hugging my skates

this drunken braggart.

It took a bit

to get them on and laced,

with lots of cussing

I was totally disgraced.

Lots of deep breaths

I had to gather myself,

recalling how to skate

dreams from a dusty shelf.

Something was amiss

what could be wrong,

my cowboy hat on

and confirmed my thong.

So up I proudly arose

freezing bowling ball in hand,

what was that thought

about some tropical sand?

Enough of this

was my bold thought,

get out on that ice

and knock down the lot.

I rolled for a ways

on the ice I did slide,

determined was I

and nowhere to hide.

I was a sight-all askew

like dirty dancing,

combined with

reindeer prancing.

But I got it together

saw bottles of glass,

the first two attempts

yeah I fell on my ass.

Something is wrong

I don’t feel so well,

I’ve a pain or two

parts are starting to swell.

Now a bit afraid

is that a dog bark,

I whirled around

only to smell a fart.

At last I was stable

standing tall and proud,

only regretting the

lack of a cheering crowd.

Alas I took aim

at bottles all empty dead,

a nagging voice

came from within my head.

But what the heck

what could go wrong,

roller skates on ice

still wearing hat and thong.

I brought up my ball

took a shaky aim,

there’s that nagging voice

still babbling the same.

It was getting light

the sun on the rise,

I had to now hurry

not expecting a surprise.

I swung back my arm

the ball in it’s arc

then it happened so fast

everything went dark.

I recall my legs

weighed by the skates,

splitting to 3 and 9

tempting my body’s fates.

It took a few minutes

because I was so cold,

now wet to my neck

knees beginning to fold.

I began to hurt like

I was inside a vice,

then it hit me I’d

fallen through the ice.

For some darned reason

I kept tipping to fall,

trying not to drown

cause I still held the ball.

How could I be thinking

this would be fun and nice,

such a damn stupid stunt

roller skate bowling on ice.

Gary R. Cramer

December 27, 2019