Foot Prints on The Beach

There it was, my very special beach in the quiet serene cove. It was a quiet warm morning blending the massage of soft warm sand under my feet with the song of gentle metronome waves caressing on that same sand. From high above came the distant melodic call of gulls gliding on the salty wind in search of food or a mate between the beach and nearby cliff to the south. I was blessed this time because of it being a weekday. Not another soul was in sight. It was just nature and me communing together.

I laid down on my beach towel with my back to the sun so I could turn my head and listen to the earth’s steady hum coming from deep within it’s mantel.

I don’t know how long it was before I drifted off but it couldn’t have been too long because of how relaxed the surroundings acknowledged my existence there and accepted me as one of them.

I dreamt I had heard a woman’s voice from somewhere beyond the waves. Her voice was so familiar and each syllable spoke to my soul about so many things. “Where had I been for so long?” “Why had I abandoned her?” “Had I found another mistress?” “Why wasn’t Cali, my Boxer dog with me?” The questions didn’t stop until I felt more than heard a gentle sobbing. Without thinking, I arose and rushed out into the perpetual breaking waves until I could swim. Then I repeatedly tried to dive to the depths in search of the source of the voice I had heard and more importantly felt with my soul. With my clothes now soaked with salty brine, I eventually tired and felt weaker by the moment. I recall a sense of surrender as I just stopped treading water and slowly sank toward the bottom. It was then I had the sensation of a large feminine hand reaching up and enfolding my body into its palm and lovingly drawing me downward. The last words I heard were, “You are so very loved and I missed you”.

Suddenly I felt deathly cold as my body snapped back into consciousness and I found myself deeply sobbing. I realized I had been alone all this time because there was not a soul in sight from the beach to the road. It was then I realized I was soaking wet and when I sat up I was shocked and in awe to discover a single line of footsteps leading from the waves and sand smoothed and compacted by those waves leading to my beach blanket. There was only one set traveling in one direction. Had my mistress, the Pacific Ocean, rescued me and brought me back. Had I actually gone into the water or was it simply my spirit soul.

How much of it was real and how much of it was all in my mind? And who made those footprints in the sand? I’m an Agnostic so I can’t accept they belong to God.

Gary R. Cramer

4/28/16

If You Were By My Side

If you were by my side I could make a snow plow drawn by a mule take us to the moon fueled just with the love I have for you. Then we would set our sights on another galaxy that could maybe contain the love I have waiting for my Sweet Queen. I'd sprinkle the sun with the tears of happiness I have from being with you and it would create a whole new world of blossoming inhabitants that now would know what the word love really means.

Then... I wake up alone without you yet again by my side in bed. I'd realize how lonely life is without you. I curl up into a ball of horrible misery. Dwelling on some of the most happiest moments of my life spent with you by my side touching my very existence and yes; making me a better man but still knowing it is in the past. I continue to ponder what I did wrong to lose you on this life’s path. I close my eyes and dwell in the memories of the smell of your body, the sound of your breath, the touch of your skin and the moistness of your inner self and the sweet softness of those oh so desirable lips of yours. THEN, and only then, I rise above the sun and proudly proclaim to the universe YES! I do love this woman and I don't care how much it hurts. I can't help myself. I crave all of her, her smell and taste in my mouth to inhale into my soul where together we would drift into oblivion beyond reach of all inhabitants of the universe in bliss. We would look down on all the stars and planets and decide together how to arrange them to make you the happiest we could achieve. I embrace you like you have never been held and all the gods would proclaim YES!!! This is what a man’s love for a woman looks like in the purest form from his very soul and being...

I would yet again awake without you; knowing no man or God could EVER love you as much as I do. And with a tear in my eye for you, I drift off to sleep where I might once again embrace you in my dreams with all of my existence and being knowing I had offered you all of my world. And that apparently is what my legacy is; not enough! It is to know I have been graced by your presence; the touch of your hand, the sound of your deep breathes and moans in my ear in the heat of passion in the night or day; the sighs of contentment as we together drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms totally spent and satisfied to share dreams and ambitions. That is the only drive I have left in this life. I must seek out and find it again with another woman. I have to try to feel whole and complete. And when a whisper from deep in my being tells me, "Gary, you have been to the peak, “The Summit”. All else that you find will be of lesser quality and satisfaction". I will not listen to that voice because the day I stop believing and searching in my quest for such love, they can dump my ashes to sink into the bowels of the Pacific Ocean to wander endlessly knowing it was still all worth it.

I have to concede that what I had to offer you was not enough. I have to try to move on believing another lady could match what you have done to and for me and even surpass that benchmark. To my life. To my past. To my future I pledge a never ending quest. Just know I will always love you as if you were a part of my self and being. Each night as I try to fall asleep alone, I will always reflect on your presence beside me and know I have been blessed to know you and I love you! Thank you for sharing your life with me.

To that lady in question, I’m coming!

Gary R. Cramer

July 17, 2010

I’m Alone!

I’m alone with

a feeling so low,

I’m lost in this life

not knowing where to go.

Missing a lady and

that feeling of romance,

like floating on a cloud

totally in a trance.

I should feel so lucky

for where I live,

everything paid for

and love to give.

That sense of loss

it seems to remain,

hanging on so tight

so full of pain.

Cold dark feelings

engulfed in despair,

the kind of things

one should never share.

A quest for love

the glorious inclusion,

merging with a partner

lessening the confusion.

I’m alone with

a feeling so low,

I’m lost in this life

not knowing where to go.

Gary R. Cramer

January 1, 2019